I don't know what to do with this. Or with myself. I have to keep reminding myself that I don't have to call the hospital and check on him.

There is no instruction manual for losing a child, no right or wrong to grief or loss, but I almost feel guilty tonight. The tears dried up when the stream of visitors and phone calls started. Everything now is just quiet. Too quiet.

I want you all to know how much the outpouring of support has meant to us. How much it means to know that Nova had the opportunity to touch so many people. Anyone who knows me knows that my philosophy has always been that we were all put on this earth to touch people, to leave them somehow better, or at least open to something better. Alexis never had that opportunity. Her 12 short days of life and her relative anonymity didn't allow for it.

But Nova managed to touch so many people's lives, so many people followed his story and loved him, and so many people mourn for him right now. He was special, and not only to us. We are so grateful that you all cared and were effected by his life. That through you he was allowed to fulfill his purpose.

He was so beautiful. I am indescribably lost without him.