Monday, September 26, 2005

Just wanted to let y'all know that my world is undergoing some upheaval I am may not be blogging too much for a while. Just didn't want anyone to worry.

Posted @ 7:04 PM

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Lately I have been thinking a lot. And very often the things I think of strike me as very good blog material, but I find myself nowhere near a computer. By the time I am near a computer, the things are long gone from my memory - which seems to be a popular theme with me lately. I keep joking that with my twitchy eye (I think it has stopped - *knocks on wood* - after almost five weeks!) and forgetfulness, it must be a brain tumor. I shouldn't joke about that shit...

Unfortunately, the only bloggable topics I remember right now are both lame, but I'll share them anyway.

1. I recently found myself simultaneously marveling at and becoming wary of hotdogs. Why you ask? Well, I bought chicken franks for the first time (they were the cheapest) and it struck me that they taste almost exactly the same as the pork ones, which taste almost exactly the same as the beef ones which taste almost exactly the same as the turkey ones. And let us not forget the meat medley hotdogs, which have parts of all kinds of different animals in them - or the hotdogs which contain no meat at all and are instead made with tofu and other vegan crap...and yet still taste the same. So why am I wary now? Well, it concerns me to think of what would have to be done to these ingredients to make them all taste the same. If bean curd tofu can be made to taste like a "real" hotdog, what the fuck is really in a real hot dog? Lips and hooves, I tell you! Anyway, the marveling is just that this process can be done at all. That a cow, pig, turkey, chicken or soy bean plant can be processed to the point that it becomes a non-descript meat-like substance, virtually indistinguishable from the others. My my, the power of processing.

The other thing I remember to tell you: have you ever noticed that the degree of alcoholic overindulgence is matched perfectly by the severity of the hangover the next day? This probably seems obvious I know, but think about it. If you only have a few - and you are responsible and take care of yourself - you feel fine the next day. If you have a couple more than you should have, you're more or less OK, but maybe have a headache the next day. If you are a complete asshole like I was, and keep going long after you know you should have stopped, you will be punished accordingly. I was writing about this in my head as I clung to the porcelain god this morning, unable to even keep down water or maintain an upright position. Ugh. What a friggin idiot I am. But hey...maybe that's just me. I'm actually kind of glad to have this arrangement with my body. If I could party like that and feel fine the next day, it'd be a lot harder to avoid the genetic disposition to alcoholism that seems to run in my family.

Anyway, the drinking occurred at a new venue for The Bars called SkyBar. It's on the third floor of a mill building on Elm Street and like a clueless ass in my high-heeled not-made-for-walking boots, I didn't notice the elevator. The room was clean, nicely decorated and the bartenders were great. It's a non-smoking facility too which I thought might present a problem due to the fact that the majority of The Bars' fans I've seen are smokers, but everyone was cool about it and it was nice not to go home smelling like an ashtray.

That's all for now. Jay's out having boy's night and I am hanging out with Indie and taking it easy. I'm going back to read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Don't laugh at me!

Posted @ 9:16 PM

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Generic Irish cream, Chinese food, a deck of cards, tunes, candles and some good good lovin'. My night has been excellent.

How are y'all?

Posted @ 10:15 PM

Friday, September 16, 2005

Jay and I just finished watching The Jacket. I have to admit, I was hesitant about it at first -- looked too dramatic and emotional for me at this point in time, when I am eating comedy like candy 'cause it's simply what I need -- and while it was definitely dark and sort of tragic, it was really good and the end didn't leave me in feeling like there's no justice in the world and too much snot in my head. I would definitely recommend it.

This week felt very long, though we have switched to five 8-hour (nine including lunch) days instead of marathon 11-12 hour days four days a week. I love the boss's wife (also a boss, but not the boss, in my estimation), but as she's not at the hospital very often, she doesn't know what kind of coverage we need and the schedule she came up with is not working. Da Boss even agrees with me and we spoke about it tonight. Anyway, the schedule is a sore subject because D & M have always tried to be friendly and lenient and give people what they want, but certain staff members have taken advantage of that and it's become a nightmare. Despite the fear of it "going over like a fucking lead balloon," as Barb so sweetly suggested, I made a schedule and stuck it in with my weekly inventory needs list, which I gave D to take home. I think it'll work, it accommodates everyone's "special needs" (except me, because I don't have any...well, no schedule special needs anyway - hardy har har) and allows full coverage and a full 40 hours a week for everyone as well as a more even breakdown of opening and closing shifts, whereas now one person (low man on the totem pole - Jenn) is closing twice as many nights as everyone else. This would be fine if it was hospital policy or something, but when the whole staff requests to split the shifts evenly out of concern for one another, there's no reason to still load up one person, right? Anyhoo, it went over well and he'll let me know what he thinks of it on Monday I guess.

Anyway, the reason I got to talk to D about it tonight is because he called me after a housecall to report that the woman lives in a very nice trailer park with a very nice mobile home for sale up the street. Now, if you knew D, you'd know that for him to even give consideration to a mobile home, let alone call me at 7:30 on a Friday night, it has to be nice. I love him to death, don't get me wrong, but he's the king of trailer park jokes. I asked him to write down the info for me and he was like, "I'll just drive you up there on Monday!" I am kind of psyched. This must be good. Keeping fingers crossed. I am not thrilled about the idea of living in a park, because I want to own my place completely, not still have someone breathing down my neck about leaving non-seasonal items visible on the balcony and other such shit. However, to buy a cheap mobile home and pay lot rent may very well be less expensive than buying a real house on its own land, once you take into consideration that lot rent is usually for land, water, sewer, and trash removal. *sigh* I'unno. I just want to get the fuck out of Manch Vegas (yes, we really call it that.)

I should probably get to bed. I'm about ready to fall over. Hope everyone had a good week. Special lovin' to anyone reading this (but specifically, those of you who know damn well who you are), to whom I am too lazy to email personal love notes this evening. Ha ha -- what an atrocious sentence!! I'm burnt out, wha'da'ya want from me?

Barb sent this to me. Although I am intellectually snotty enough to have "dumbass" thoughts about the person who considers the dates of birth between 1930 and 1970 to be one generation, this is still so true...

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's:

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have PlayStations, Nintendos, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation (ugh - count again) has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

Posted @ 11:21 PM

Monday, September 12, 2005

I saw the most awesome thing on my way home tonight. I was on Rt. 101 and all of a sudden this massive swarm of probably 2000 tiny black birds (or they looked black against the sunset) came out of the trees and hovered over the highway. As I drove under them, they parted into two groups and went separate directions. It was amazing to see. The power of it couldn't be captured in a photo or I would have tried, believe me! (I have my camera with me all the time nowadays, just like when I was younger and in a state of perpetual inspiration.) Anyway, I wished so much that I'd had someone to share it with other than Indie. She was asleep and couldn't have cared less. It was gorgeous though.

I got a great note from Doug today, accompanied by a metal #3, a CD barcode and a cardboard short term parking pass. (It's called the Odd Pen Club, people. You can guess what it means.) The note ended with "be wonderful, or realize you are wonderful, at least." What a nice thing to say. I needed to hear something like that. On a side note, Doug's handwriting looks alarmingly like my first high school boyfriend's and that was a bit odd to see. Woah. Most of the men in my life (both as friends and other) have had similar handwriting. Maybe I was right and they really are the same guy in a different disguise!! *gasp*

I worked at a kid's camp for two summers when I was in high school. It's the same camp I actually went to for two or three summers when I was a kid. I was thinking of going up there this weekend to sit down at Vespers (the rock right on the water where the staff and kids would gather and tell stories at night) and just be. Maybe write. Maybe take a nap. Maybe go skinny dipping. I have this painful longing lately to get away from the city (I fucking hate Manchester and it's not even a real city - it's a fly speck compared to Boston or L.A.) and to feel as free as I did before adulthood settled into my bones. Somewhere between 17 and now, my free spirit got thrown in a cardboard box and packed away. *sigh* Those two summers there were the last I remember feeling free. Anyway, I think everybody's probably gone from camp by now. I guess I'll find out.

Hope everyone had a good day. I'm off.

Posted @ 8:23 PM

Saturday, September 10, 2005

NOTE: More added @ 10:16 PM

Well, here we go again. You all know I can't stick to the same layout for very long and that was bound to spill over into the world of domain names sooner or later. There's a lovely new explanation for this change if you go to the site page.

In the week since I last blogged, I have been feeling very burnt out and uninspired. Work's been crazy due to a new schedule that isn't maximizing efficiency (to say the least). The good thing is that we're on a 5 day work week now so I get out at a decent hour some days, instead of dragging my weary ass home after 7 PM every night after an 11 or 12 hour day, all just so I can have a weekday off. *shrugs* I'm sure it'll change again, but for now, I'm trying to adjust.

Home's OK. Nothing new to report there. On the subject of the car accident, the shit has been hitting the fan. I won't go into details 'cause the whole thing makes me so mad I could spit fire, but suffice it to say Geico (my insurance company...for now) made some very bad decisions without discussing them with me first and I am lettin' 'em have it. Although I hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs, I am proud of myself for having the balls to challenge these idiots. Of course, the phone calls leave me with cotton mouth and shaky hands (yes, I am that afraid of confrontation), but they're productive and I'll never learn to be assertive if I don't practice, right?

Other than that, I am enjoying September; the crisp mornings and warm, dry afternoons make it my favorite month. Of course, I wouldn't have told you that back when I was in school and September was like the death of summer by means of evisceration - returning to school and all. Anyway, I would rather snuggle up with extra blankets 'cause I'm chilly than strip down to nothing, crank up the fans and still be hot any day!

Jay's taking a nap and then I think we're going to go see Wedding Crashers tonight. I've heard it's really funny and I could do with some laughs.

Hope everyone's having a good weekend.

Later on - 10:16 PM

Jay went to bed an hour ago and since I slept until 10:30 this morning, I am nowhere near ready for bed.

I accomplished almost nothing today. I was hoping to hook up with an old friend, but the phone call never came. So I vacuumed two years of embedded dog hair out of my car seats and doused the dashboard in ArmorAll. Then I finished this layout, watched a cheesy 80s flick followed by a cheesy 90s flick followed by There's Something About Mary. And that's it. I hate myself for being a lazy piece of shit today.

Jay has been playing computer games for two weeks straight. He sprained a muscle in his arm and has not been given the green light to return to work yet. He always worries that I am going to be mad at him for gaming (his ex was psycho about it to the point that she left a mental mark), but the truth is that I have been very much in my own head lately and kind of glad for the alone time.

I have been thinking a lot about the people in my life lately. I always told myself in high school that friendship should be about quality, not quantity and I still believe that 100%. I guess the problem is that lately I look around and I am not even sure I have quality anymore. I realized the other day that if I had a true emergency -- really needed someone -- the people I know I could count on are frighteningly few. My mom will always be there, but she's in MD. Jay is there but I can't count on him for everything. He has his limits and I have to respect them. Other than that, my best friends (or people I would call my best friends) are all in other states and I haven't seen or heard from them in at least a couple years. I call and send notes and stuff, but we're all so scattered in our own lives that we hardly ever connect. This makes me feel incredibly alone.

My life also feels very average to me lately. I go to work, I come home, I eat dinner, I go to bed. I do it all again the next day. I don't feel like I have anything exceptional or special. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what I have, it just doesn't make me excited to be alive. Shouldn't I be excited to be alive? Or does everyone just settle into a comfortable, predictable routine and that's what life's about? *sigh*

Then I think about what's going on in NOLA and in third world countries and I am utterly ashamed at myself for being anything other than fucking ecstatic to have the life I have. It could be infinitely worse.

So what's the point of all this? I guess if nothing else, life's one helluva learning experience.


The dust of me settled
on that worn wooden floor
to mingle with the summer sand.
Stowaway like I was,
it found its way to places
it didn't belong.

In the dark windows,
in the warmth of your acceptance,
hangs there still
a forgotten sigh.
Time can't take my breath,
still caught
in the light string.

Posted @ 3:19 PM

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Well, first things first. I don't know how many of you saw it, but I came up with this entirely too large, major overkill (yet well-meaning) layout dedicated to the survivors of Hurricane Katrina. I didn't realize how overdone and awful it was until this morning, so now you have what you see before you. Not my best ever, but it'll do.

Secondly, a while back, I installed one of those stat counters that Erin has, because she's always raving about how fun it is to track visitors. Well, I hadn't paid much attention to mine until just now when I logged in to see whassup. Well, now I'm shitting small bricks because a ton of the visits are coming from a Metrocast subscriber in the town next door to where I work. This of course makes me wonder if I'm just being paranoid and it's all a coincidence or if somehow (probably though some stupid oversight on my part) my boss has my URL. The only other people I personally know in the area shouldn't have my URL and don't subscribe to Metrocast anyway. Actually, our work computers are Metrocast, but I think the boss's home PC is Comcast. And I find it odd that the NH visitors are all from one of 3 areas: Laconia (which I suspect is my friend Kelly), Rochester or Dover. Rochester and Dover are neighboring towns to those I work in. Ugh, ugh, ugh! And the one other person who I sort of know who might be hooked into a Dover ISP has Earthlink, so what the fuck? I guess it's possible that someone who knows Doug from MTC (originally from the area I work in) might read fiancee Laura's blog which has my link and might have found it that way, but you know how your mind can reel when you're afraid you're gonna get busted. Anyway, not that it matters too much, I guess. It's not like a bitch and moan about him or Michelle ever. They're really good to us. I have had my issues with certain coworkers, but if I can't rant anonymously online, where can I rant? (Yes, I realize the problem now is that this may not be anonymous after all -- but up until recently, the majority of my readers have been people I have never met and probably won't.) So anyway, do me a favor. Leave a comment if you visit or something, so I can stop worrying. Lol.

I guess that's it for now. Hope everyone's having a good weekend.

A sign of the times.

Maude sleeps in weird places.

Ain't she the cutest?

Posted @ 5:23 PM

Friday, September 02, 2005

I am pretty much beside myself regarding the aftermath of Katrina. I am tapping what few resources I have. If you can't help, at least take a second to remember how lucky we are to have what you have. Things could be infinitely worse.

Posted @ 8:46 PM

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