Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Thought of the day: " We don't love qualities, we love a person. Sometimes by reason of their defects as well as their qualities." - Jacques Maritain

Just got back from running errands. My honey will be psyched. I got a coffeemaker for my house, so he doesn't have to drink the instant crap I have on the mornings after. Also got my oil changed and picked up this and that at the store. I wanted to share something I oddly found profound...well, at least thought-provoking...

In the hair color aisle at Target, there was this shrunken, hunched, very elderly couple. The Mrs. was pointing to different boxes of hair color, borderline abrasively consulting the Mr. as he nodded and gave whatever opinion it was that he had (I couldn't hear it.) Now two things about this struck me: 1) He was so dear and accomodating and probably had been pretending to be interested in shit like that for the duration of their marriage and that seemed kinda sad to me and 2) He was either very weak-willed or loved her very much to do it. I guess it was kinda a lesson to me, about the importance of both standing your ground and being flexible when it comes to love. I never want to be the old woman trying to make my almost-blind husband try to differentiate between Sahara Blonde and Pecan Blonde and feign interest all the while... I woundn't want him to feign anything! Anyway, just thoughts...

Posted @ 12:01 PM

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Thought of the day: "The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts." - Marcus Antoninus

Bleh. Not much goin' on. I have tomorrow off; yet another stop in the neverending quest to have a finalized schedule. This schedule is actually really close to one I suggested recently, so I can't complain. So what will I be doing tomorrow? Probably pay some bills, get my oil changed, read. Oh! Speaking of reading, I have gotten so sucked in to Wizard's First Rule. So much so I was able to tune out the barking, meowing and bleeting (Sarah brought Margaret the goat to work today!) of the treatment area, because it was the only place to sit on my lunch break. (No chairs or table in the breakroom yet, but Dr. D tells me soon.) Anyway, as soon as I wrap up this pointless post, I will be off to read some more. I have to admit, fantasy books have always struck me as a little on the dorky side (sorry Jay!) but I can admit now that it was all a lameass narrow-minded preconception. This shit is good!

Wow, evidently is "on hiatus," so I can't even bore you with that! Ha ha. Oh, well. Hey, say hello or somethin', would'ya? That's what the tagboard and comments are for! :o) Hope everyone has a happy Hump Day, and as know what I'm gonna say here, don't you? Happier if you're actually humping! :o)

Posted @ 7:41 PM

Sunday, July 27, 2003

Thought of the day: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Mahamata Gandhi

Well, it's now Sunday. Thursday nite my significant other and I found ourselves bickering over how to handle the fact that we hadn't made a reservation anywhere as far as camping goes and it was looking like the fairly local place was gonna be booked, which left us with the option of driving waaaay up north to another place. We were tired, hungry, cranky...which is no state to be in whilst trying to make decisions and we were accomplishing nothing but rubbing each other the wrong way. Anyway, we eventually decided not to decide that nite, but to see how we felt in the a.m. and go from there. So Friday morning, my phone rings and it's Jay, who says Pawtuckaway has a few sites left, but we have to leave now, 'cause it's first come, first served. I would have liked to prepare a little better, but I took a quick shower, threw some shit in a backpack and left.

That rocky beginning is now seemingly insignificant in the scheme of things, because it was an awesome weekend. Went a little too fast for me, but the relaxation of sitting in front of a fire can't be beat. I am almost done with Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates (Tom Robbins), a book of which I have been in the middle for somewhere around a year... I plan on finishing it today, sewing down the pockets on my workpants (they stick out) and maybe even starting a new book. Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind is one Jay has been very excited to get me going on. I think I'll dive into that one in a little bit. He's actually off to the book store as I type this, to get book #5 in the series, as he finished #4 this morning. It's funny, but I took major pleasure this weekend in the simple things, ie. the sound of the wind in the trees, the small animals I could hear but not see, the way fire light dances on everything... And Jay was worried that the fact that we read a lot this weekend was somehow bad... But the truth is that it felt good to be in each other's company but not having to entertain each other. Maybe it sounds dorky, but the simplicity of reading a book is something I had lost touch with, in this world of the internet and digital cable and overwhelming media. So I guess my point in this ambiguous babble is that I felt kinda peeled down this weekend, shed of the mental grit and cerebral residue that everyday life deposits on me. And it's good. I should do this more often. Like a brain fast.

I should do take a shower and wash off the actual woods residue which accumulated on me this weekend. Lol. That, my friends, is a kind of grit about which I have no quams. Hope everyone had a good weekend. Oh, and I posted a new review, and I have to say I am quite pleased with this one. I seem to be getting back in touch with my zany writing ability. :o)

Posted @ 11:39 AM

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Hola, my faithful fans. Ha ha. Yeah right!! Well, I am at work on my lunchbreak. I now have to take a full hour for overtime control reasons, and am finding it hard to fill! So I thought I'd stop here and let you all know that I am eating a half-cooked Lean Cuisine lasagna. The microwave is upstairs where the air conditioning isn't, so I am being a lazy ass and eating it cold. Wow, that looks doubly pathetic when I actually see it written out. Lol.

Jay and I are going camping this weekend and I will probably have Friday off again (also for overtime control reasons). I am so psyched. I haven't been camping in probably 2 years, and even then it was one nite with a ton of people, in someone's yard. Not the whole weekend in the woods with my honey! Yippeeeeeeeee! Life is feelin' pretty good. He's actually trying to quit smoking (starting today) so this weekend could be really hard for him, but I will be doing my best to keep him...em...distracted. *wink*

Anyway, gotta go back to work. Hope everyone is having a good day!

Posted @ 1:40 PM

Sunday, July 20, 2003

{edit} I removed this post out of lingering respect for a few people it offended, though I do not condone censorship. I do condone compromise. {/edit}

Posted @ 12:30 AM

Saturday, July 19, 2003

Weary from cleaning... Taking a break. Cleaned bathroom (including shower and shower knobs, curtain, toilet (inside and out), sink, baseboards, mirror, scale), kitchen (dishes, stove, floor, trashcan, litterbox, kitchen table, baseboards, sink...gonna do fridge inside and out as well), and am now debating whether to do the livingroom or the bedroom next. I always do the bedroom last, so in other words, it never gets done. So I was thinking I should start here. But I was also contemplating rearranging my livingroom, moving the fishtank and stuff, and that is pretty motivating an idea. Hmmm... Not sure what to do.

I think I am going to put a "Thought of the Day" each time I blog. Well, more of a quote actually, I guess. I have this awesome book (a copy of which was purchased by me for Casey Pearson back when he too was posting quotes) called The Life 101 Quote Book, which is a spinoff of a series called "Life 101," every book having quotes on the left hand page throughout. There are some good ones. So this is the first one I am going to share with you today, because I was trying to remember it off the top of my head last nite for Crystal, but couldn't:

"The genitals themselves have not undergone the development of the rest of the human form in the direction of beauty."
- Sigmund Freud

Gotta go put the Blind Melon back on and keep pluggin' away...

Posted @ 2:21 PM

So how did I spend my Friday nite? Well, I stayed up until some ungodly hour (2...2:30 AM?) making faces and competing for the title of "Sexiest With a Pen" (ha ha) with Crystal on webcam. Thanks also to Craig and John for joining in the festivities. Somehow last nite strikes me as legitimately social, like I was down at a bar with friends. When in fact it hit me at some point throughout the evening, I am sitting in front of my computer laughing outloud like an ass, all by myself. Lol. I wasn't really alone, I guess. :o)

Jay left his coffee maker here yesterday morning and I just made a pot. Evidently coffee-making is not on my list of natural skills. I don't know what's wrong with it, but I think it's eating a layer off my throat every time I take a sip. Ugh. But the caffeine is still there, so I will take it however it comes.

Going to the Bars tonite I think. They are probably playing at Scorz (where I first saw them back in the beginning, but then it was actually called Sharpshooters) for the last time tonite, so I am going to go. Plus, I haven't seen them since April, which is a very long time for me!! There will be other shows at other bars, but this is where it all began, so I am a little sad. I am also a little sad that I won't see my honey tonite, but he was at a bachelor party last nite having titties shaken in his face, so I figure I can go shake mine for a little while. Lol.

Going to choke down my coffee and clean my apartment. Hope everyone has a very happy Saturday!

Posted @ 10:57 AM

Friday, July 18, 2003

Well, I am an ass. There never was a rumor about the band splitting up. What the email I got said was, "The Bars are playing their last show at Scorz," which could be interpreted as their playing their last show ever and it happened to be at Scorz, or they could be playing at Scorz for the last time. Duh. Anyway, good news. All is well.

I just wanted to tell you all that I ate a bad hotdog and overdrew my checking account today and it has been a sucky Friday. And I don't even have a warm, good-smelling man to cuddle up to tonite, because he is in Connecticut stuffing $1s in the thongs of strippers. Lol. Believe it or not, I actually doubt that. *Sigh* I can't believe I've become this boring...

Posted @ 8:56 PM

Just talked to Kenny from the Bars via email and the rumor about the band splitting up is just that: a rumor. So we can all breathe easy. There will still be a place to go for ass-smacking and gettin' rowdy. Yay!!!!

Posted @ 9:24 AM

Well, my honey just left to get ready for the trek down to Connecticut for his buddy's wedding this weekend. I am feeling an eensy beensy bit...what's the"lost," I guess, 'cause I haven't gone a weekend without him in 3 months. Lol. Funny, I was so used to spending every weekend alone that when we first started seeing each other, I was afraid that I'd need a break. Now I have one and I have no idea what to do with myself! Actually, that's not entirely true - I made a list of things to do. Lol. Some things I want to do and others that I need to do and always put off when he's around... So, it should be a weekend of repotting plants, running errands, cleaning house, etc. Oh, and I heard a rumor that my beloved local cover band may be playing their last show this weekend, so I will be looking into that and going to it if this is the sad sad case. :o( What would my life be like without the Bars? No hard rock heavy metal drunk dancing, for sure. How very sad.

So all yesterday I was thinking, Wow, it would be nice to have Friday off. There's nothing scheduled tomorrow (at work), they don't really need me, I already have 45 hours this week... And lo and behold, at the end of the day, Dave said to me, "Erin, you have tomorrow off," and cited all the reasons I had been telling myself all day. So now I am wondering if I subconsciously knew that was going to happen or if I willed it to happen. Lol. I am such a lameass. Either way, I have today off, so yippee. :o)

And now for the Friday Five:
1. When was the last time you cheated? I am not sure what this means... Cheated on someone, at a game, what? I would have to say I honestly don't remember. Jay would affirm that I have a horrendously guilty conscience and I can't take the feeling of cheating, so I don't. Lol.
2. When was the last time you stole? Um... I took some Amoxicillin from my last workplace because I had a urinary tract infection and no insurance. Lol. I intended to put it on my account, I just forgot, but I guess it still counts as stealing if I didn't pay for it.
3. When was the last time you lied? Wednesday nite. My good friend's mother wanted me to housesit and watch her mother-in-law's geriatric dog all weekend (asked last minute, to boot) and as much as I like her, there was just no way I wanted to do that. So I told her I was going camping. And yes, I feel guilty. Lol.
4. When was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property? Damn. Does whoever wrote these questions think everyone has a dark, heinous side or what? I honestly can't recall anything even slightly recent. But in high school, there was this friend turned psycho bitch who made my life miserable and before we stopped talking all together, she demanded I return her VHS copy of Grease, which was her favorite movie. Well, I liked the movie too and she was just so friggin nasty, I bought a blank tape, took apart her movie, switched the reels, put it back together and gave her a blank tape in Grease disguise. I still have the movie tape, in the blank case. Lol.
5. When was the last time you hurt a loved one? I wrote a well-meaning email to my mom recently, because I see some very self-destructive behavior going on with her. It was not intended to hurt her, but it did. :o(

Well, that's about it for now I guess. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Don't be afraid to say hello. :o)

Posted @ 9:00 AM

Tuesday, July 15, 2003 Yup, the generic blog entry. Brief real life info: worked a lotta hours today (22 already this week, and it's only Tuesday), tired, my dog puked in my car last nite and then was running like a retarded child in the parking lot this evening and skidded on her face and then bled in my car... Lol. It makes me laugh the lame things I have to share tonite. Maybe I ought to have just skipped straight to the filler...
1. Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck? Um, probably Bugs. I don't like the spitting.
2. Tom or Jerry? WTF? Are all these about cartoons?
3. Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck? I think they're both annoying, but I'd have to take Mickey if I had to take one or the other. Donald has a certain manic quality when he's babbling incoherantly and squawking that reminds me of my mother.
4. Rocky & Bullwinkle or Boris & Natasha? Lol. Is it sad that I have no idea?? Never seen any of this shit.
5. Road Runner or Wile E. Coyote? Roadrunner. Again, the manic/frustrated thing...
6. Sylvester or Tweety? Tweety is a manipulative little shit who deserved to be eaten.
7. Popeye or Bluto? Pup-eye. I always root for the underdog. Not into huge, hairy guys with bad tempers, either.
8. South Park or The Simpsons? Depends. Sometimes some vague filth is good. Sometimes you need it blatant.
9. Jetsons or Flintstones? Flintstones. I dig the outfits. Plus, I have a heinous Betty Rubble laugh I am trying to learn to embrace.
10. And finally, the eternal question asked by all good Scooby-Doo fans: Velma or Daphne? No preference.

That was a disappointing This-Or-That. *sigh* Oh, well. Maybe the Friday Five will be better. Just wanna say hello to Crystal and thanks for the oh-so-enlightening IM this evening. *wink* Have a good Hump Day everyone. As always, better if you're actually humping. :o)

Posted @ 8:53 PM

Sunday, July 13, 2003

I have been mentally all over everywhere in the last couple weeks, which is part of the reason I have been so neglectful of me'blog. A few big things have happened which it occurred to me to piss and moan about on here, but a few things stopped me. One - who gives a shit? Lol. Why would anyone read this if it's nothing but whining? I don't think anyone reads it even when it's all shits and giggles. Then there's work. I haven't been blogging for the simple fact that I am friggin tired. Working about 55 hours a week, rolling in here around 7:30 or 8 every day...not conducive to creativity. Which brings me to reason #3 - I have been an uncreative pile of shit lately. I have been inspirationless, motivationless, hopeless, helpless. Lol. Not really. But I did kinda hit a wall and just didn't like the look of what I was producing (even if it is more about the words), so I didn't want to deal with it at all. But I did the unthinkable and bought a domain name and webspace without pop-ups. I told myself I wouldn't do this until I was "good," but being the perfectionist that I am, it occurred to me that if I wait for the point at which I feel I am "good," I will never have my own space. Anyhoo... See, now I am back and babbling incoherantly, so it was almost better when I had nothing to say, huh? Lol.

Part of the turmoil over the last couple of weeks was in this relationship o' mine, which when I was faced with losing, scared me to death and rendered me a sniveling sap. I think I spooked Jay a little, 'cause the truth of the matter is that we have only been in this thing for a few months, but my sadness at it's possible loss was more based on what might have been in the future... Anyway, as far as I can tell, we're OK and everything is back on track. Where it's going, I couldn't tell you for sure. Just that it is moving. It feels good.

I have been super good about what I put in my mouth lately (and have quit smoking - 15 days today!), so I figure I have earned the right to indulge my craving for some icecream. So I'm gonna wrap this up. Thanks for putting up with the 1001 moves and manic style with which I conduct myself online. I now have a place to stay and will be stayin. :o)

Posted @ 11:59 AM

Saturday, July 05, 2003

Hmmm... I am kinda wondering what exactly the meaning of the word "werd" is in the context it is being used on the tagboard. Am I being mocked? Lol. I know I jump around a lot online, but I always leave a note... I just have a.d.d. of the internet. Get bored easily. Haven't found a place to get comfortable. So if y'all are givin' me shit, just wait. I'll come up with something. And if you're not, well, now you can give me shit for being so friggin unurban. Lol. What can I say? I grew up in a town with a graduating class of 41. I have no clue about any slang that isn't derived from hick speak. *sigh*

So it's seriously hot here. Nothing compared to those folks out in the midwest, but hot enough for me. Like I have said and will say again, we New Englanders have blood like generic maple syrup: thick, sticky and slow moving. Lol. Anyway, I have a fan aimed at the back of my neck and that is about all I can do. I am totally clueless when it comes to air conditioning, and although I had mind running last nite, I awoke to find it totally frozen and not blowing any air. And when I say frozen, I mean frozen. As in the way a freezer gets when it is way past time to defrost it. I suspect it has something to do with a dirty filter, but as it is a condo A/C and built into the wall, I have no idea how to access the filter. Oh, well. Life goes on.

It just occurred to me that the Hopkinton Fair is in two months... September is in two months. Damn, every year goes faster. We are already more than half through 2003. Damn damn! Just seems to be flying.

Well, I guess I owe it to myself and the werders to try to come up with a decent layout. I am actually debating buying a domain name and pop-up free hosting. What do you think??

Posted @ 10:25 PM

Tuesday, July 01, 2003 Does it totally defeat the purpose of the term "or" for me to say "both?" I don't think I am doing these things right, but I am just too damn indecisive. Or no... More positively speaking, I am just more open-minded to be all-for-one and not some-for-each. Lol.
1. Lemonade or Ice Cold Beer? Totally depends. Fresh Samantha lemonade is my favorite, 'cause it's the real deal, not a bunch of artificial flavoring crap. But a Corona is oh-so-nice sometimes...
2. Swimming pool or beach? Love the beach for the views and the rays and tidal pool exploration, but for swimming, definitely pool, 'cause I can't ditch the feeling that a sea monster will try to eat me.
3. Long weekends here & there, or a 2-week vacation? Probably long weekends, just because that is more what I am used to. Although I believe it is absolutely imperative to take a couple weeks off every so often just to kinda decompress and de-static yourself from your life. Does that make sense? Kinda to release the negative charges we inevitably pick up in our day-to-day goings on. But long weekends are small steps toward that end as well.
4. Destination: Acapulco or Hawaii? No clue. I don't know how geographically or demographically or socially or economically different they are, so I have no basis for that decision.
5. Destination: Mountains or Beach? Same sentiment on the beach as in the "pool vs. beach" question, and sometimes I am just more inclined to go to one over the other, but if I was going to move, for example, it'd be to the mountains.
6. Hotel/motel/B&B or camping? Whatever. Good aspects to all. ie. raiding the ice machine, hoarding complimentary soap, shampoo and conditioner, home cooked meals and charm (the B&B I stayed at during the weekend of my friends' Suzanne and Shannon (no, not a girl) was awesome), sleeping under the stars or by a fire... I enjoy all of those things to their fullest potential.
7. Carefully planned vacation, or play it by ear? I may plan on where to go, and have a vague idea of what I'd like to do when I get there, but I am not the sort to have an itinerary.
8. Sneakers or sandals? If I could live in my Birkenstocks, I would. But I am content in my Sketchers, too.
9. Air-conditioning or fans? BOTH!!! I hate being hot!!!
10. Concerts in the park or baseball games? Concerts, no question...

Ever have one of those heated discussions with someone, at the end of which you feel like you have been walking through a desert on anti-psychotic medication for like 3 days, and you are numb and empty and wary and hopeless? Well, I had one of those with my mother via email today. I won't get into details 'cause quite honestly, the whole thing makes me nauseaus, but it just friggin sucked and sometimes talking to her is as productive as talking to a brick. I also had quite a heated discussion with the significant other last nite (resolved this evening), so I am basically on confrontation overload. I am the biggest pussy when it comes to arguing/uncomfortable discussions and it literally takes all my will to make myself do it, even in cases where it is actually necessary and productive (as was the case with my significant other). So I am feeling like a fat kid who has just been forced to run a 7-minute mile. Not something I find easy to do or do often (and downright avoid), but the more I do it, the better I will get. Ah, life lessons...

Nothing really good or bad to report aside from the above (which is, lol, actually both good and bad). Workin' hard, gonna have a friggin sweet paycheck at the end of the week. Between this week and last, I will have worked about 30 hours of overtime. Cha-ching! Not that I am extremely money-motivated, but having scraped by on the equivalent of 2 weeks regular pay for a total of something like 8 weeks, it will feel like being reborn to have some money in my checking account again. Can't wait to send it all off to bills. Lol. Adulthood Lesson #1098: easy come, easy go.

That is all for now. I need to get some shut-eye. Hope everyone has a happy Hump Day. As always, happier if you are actually humping. *wink* Sweet dreams, don't let the bed bugs do their thang.

Posted @ 9:43 PM

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