Saturday, May 31, 2003

Better late than never, right? Friday Five for 5/30/03:

1. What do you most want to be remembered for? Being a true individual in a world where all too often people choose to be part of the herd in order to avoid the discomfort and uncertainty that can come from being different. I want people to think of me when I am gone and be like, "That Erin...she was somethin' else," and smile.
2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life? I can't sum up my feelings about life in one sentence or quote. It would probably be a bunch of snippets of wisdom I have gathered over the years; some my own, some from others. Be true to yourself. Love honestly. Live each day like it was your last. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you... Find pleasure in life's simplicities. There is beauty in everything.
3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year? This is going to sound cheezy, but taking a chance on love. Putting the past behind me and diving head first into the unknown...
4. What about the past ten years? Probably just remaining "me" through all sorts of shit that tried its damndest to beat me down. I have seen people lose themselves, kind of submit to the awful truth that life can suck and while I have had my down times, I grew stronger from those weaknesses, and clearer and more focused in how I want to be.
5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say? Be true to yourself. Don't be afraid to be you, to rock the boat and be the weirdo. You will be happiest not trying to be what other people feel you should, but what you feel you should.

Yesterday, my buzzer rang at noon and I just about pissed my pants, thinking it was a surprise visit from the maintenance people or something (for which I would not have been ready), and I reluctantly intercommed "Hello?" only to hear "Sexual Delivery!" I of course knew who it was, but said, "I don't think my boyfriend would like that!" and let him in. I guess work was slow in the shop yesterday, so Jay left early. We hiked Mt. Kearsarge from the parking lot (.5 miles each way), which is admittedly not an extremely strenuous hike, but still hard if you don't hike all the time... It was such a gorgeous day and the view was awesome at the summit. We only encountered one other person on the trail and a couple at the top, which was nice. In the summertime, the place is crawling with out-of-staters who want to hike the closest mountain for the novelty of it. It can get very noisy. We took the .10 mile shorter route back down, but it is really steep in parts, which was a little hard for Indie, who came along. She looked nervous in a few places, but I was calling her the Eenie Goat Gruff by the time we reached the bottom, 'cause she was hopping rocks like a little mountain goat! We went to the Olive Garden and dined al fresca for dinner, then came back here and watched Antwone Fisher, which bore a distinct resemblance to Good Will Hunting, but was darker and more thought provoking. I love it that Jay is so into movies. It's good to have someone to watch and critique with. :o)

Anyway, I guess I should go do something productive. Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Posted @ 12:21 PM

Thursday, May 29, 2003

I added a reviews page today, to post things (music, movie, food, clothing, phenomena, website, etc.) I felt strongly about, in one way or another. I suspect it will become just another thing I fail to update in a timely manner, but we shall see. The first review is posted, so go look. :o)

Got my car inspected and my oil changed today. That's all I have done. Lol. This is the first day without rain in like a week or so. It feels nice to have sunshine again, though I am being an ass and sitting inside instead of enjoying it. I took a shitload of Benadryl last nite to hopefully help me sleep, 'cause those nite terror things had me up three nites in a row, and I was pretty much hungover from it this a.m. and admittedly useless. My honey was irritated (putting it mildly) with his landlord last nite and I took us out for dinner at a sports bar across the street from his house. We got to talking about the sleeping issue and I think he figured it out: sleep apnea. I mean, it makes sense. I go to sleep and wake up in a panic, feeling like I am dying and am short of breath. Probably because I wasn't breathing. Anyway, my allergies have been wicked bad this spring and I know my throat and sinuses are a bit swollen, so this theory makes total sense. I don't know what on earth I can do about it, besides not sleep on my back, which evidently makes it worse...but I toss and turn even if I start off on my side, and end up in whatever position I end up in. Oh well.

I am pretty bummed out about money right now, because although I am caught up on bills and my car is back and inspected and registered and there is food in the fridge, there is no money coming in. At least not anything steady. I hate feeling like I only have so much, that it is not being constantly renewed. :o( Though I find it pathetic of me to do so, I have placed a "donation" link under my other links, if anyone is looking to make a charitable donation. I mean, who knows? If I had a shitload of money and I knew someone who was hurting, I'd totally fork over some dough. But that's just me, I guess.

I started cleaning my apartment on Tuesday, unpacking things I had packed when I thought I was moving back in October... I guess I should probably explain, for anyone who doesn't know, that I hate packing...absolutely loathe when my move fell through, I was like Well, I am not unpacking. I don't need this stuff to be readily available. And when it comes time to move again, it will be ready to go. But I had a lot of good shit that was just sitting in boxes, so I unpacked the other day and then petered out half way through the effort. I need to tear myself away from my computer long enough to finish the job. The place is gonna look sweet when I'm done. It's nice to see my things again. Lol. I am so fucking neurotic.

Posted @ 4:37 PM

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

As you can plainly see, I got bored and tweaked this biyatch. It is pretty much just a different color scheme. I am going to try to change a lot of the content tomorrow, 'cause, well...a lot has changed. Forgive me for being a lame-o right now. I kept waking up in the middle of the nite last nite in a full blown panic (which really really really irritates me, because I have had the panic attacks under control by sheer will for the last year, and now they are coming when I am unconscious and off my guard!) and I am wicked tired. It sucked, waking up for no reason, feeling like I was about to be killed or something. :o( I am almost afraid to go to sleep tonite - that is how much it sucked. :o(

A couple of imponderables for tonite:
a) Am I crazy or does IE display pages with less graphic distortion than does AOL's browser, and why?
b) Why the hell do the tagboard and the blogger archives shit out and not allow for template editing the very nite I want to do so?

Anyway, I felt like I had all kinds of good things to share, but I am way past coherance right now. Perhaps tomorrow... Good nite, my taters. :o)

Posted @ 1:09 AM

Monday, May 26, 2003

Had one of the best weekends ever with my honey. The odd thing is that there really isn't one exciting thing in particular that we did that made it awesome. (Well, there are a few, but this is an "R" site, not an "X" site. Lol.) It rained all weekend, but the truth is that I like the rain. Some sun would be nice one of these days, but I am the kind of person who could live quite happily in Seattle. I don't mind it. Anyhoo, the KerrBear invited us (last minute, I might add, KerrBear!) to a shindig in Milford, but neither of us were up for it. Too tired. So we rented movies, fell asleep early, did laundry, I made dinner tonite... The best mashed potatoes ever, if I do say so myself. And a damned good roast chicken. Mmmm. I'll domesticate myself yet! *Sigh* I am just so ridiculously in love, I'm bordering on retarded.

I am working on a new, lighter layout. This one (I have to agree with Freakystyley of the tagboard) is too dark. So we shall see what unfolds outta this love-fried head o' mine. Hopefully nothin' too sappy...

Guess I am going to go have some more potatoes. We ate at like 3 this afternoon (like a couple of old people), so I am gettin' a bit hungry again.

Posted @ 10:08 PM

Saturday, May 24, 2003

Mmmm, Friday Five: the thing to post when you don't know what to post. BTW, don't mean to be snotty, but this is the lamest bunch of F.F. questions that er I answered...

1. What brand of toothpaste do you use? I am currently using Rembrandt, but have been known to use whatever is newest and most hyped up in commercials. (Typical American consumer!)
2. What brand of toilet paper do you prefer? I usually buy Scott, the one that has like 1,000 sheets a roll. I go through like a roll and a half a month when I am working and not home much, but lately I am going through a roll a week, 'cause I am home all the time.
3. What brand(s) of shoes do you wear? I am not a lable whore, but I have to admit, I became partial to Sketchers sneakers. And I have always been a diehard fan of Birkenstocks. I also have a pair of rugged-ass Tevas. Alas, my Sketchers have holes and are 2 years old, I had to throw out my last pair of Birks 'cause I wore the soles off, and my Tevas have dog chew marks on them. Maybe time for some new shoes?
4. What brand of soda do you drink? I don't really. If I get fast food or go to a movie, I usually get Sprite, but I am not much of a soda drinker. Bad for you!
5. What brand of gum do you chew? Don't chew much, but again, this one lies with the degree of clever advertising... Right now I have a pack of Orbitz spearmint and the good ol' standby, Big Red, for when I am feeling cinnaminny.

Now if they had asked about condoms or...cigarettes...*smacks self*...I would have had more to say. LOL. I do have certain brand loyalty.

Posted @ 12:23 AM

Friday, May 23, 2003

I just finished reading Villa Incognito by the incomparable Tom Robbins, which a certain wonderful guy I know bought for me two weeks ago tomorrow... And now I sit here in the dark, chainsmoking as I am wont to do when I ponder. I was compelled to get online and look up tanukis (a member of the canine species, native to Asia, and a major role-player in this latest Robbins concoction), a picture of which is atop this post... And I was compelled to wonder about when I became so blah, when this so-called adulthood wormed its way into my very bones and rendered me insipid. I used to think like Tom writes, I used to have a way about me which was teetering on the edge of ridiculous (by the standards of those who consider themselves "normal"), but which I considered...or didn't even really consider, because it just was the way it was and required no consideration...a way I just knew was me and was free and creative. My mom classifies herself as "deliciously eccentric," a term which used to make me roll my eyes, but which I eventually embraced and even applied when trying to describe my own inner-workings. The point of this rant is just...well, when did it happen? At what point was the creative wild woman completely put on the back burner? (And I refuse to say "when was it completely gone," because I believe it is still in here!) I need to figure out when this wearing away of my originality began so I can start reversing it. I hate to admit (though I know it's true) that adulthood is quite uninspiring as a creative soul, unless you are stirred to create by the powers of financial hardship and struggle... So I guess all I really have to say is hmmm... How do I get my "it" back?

*sigh* I never read a Tom Robbins book without having a highlighter on hand, because he is just so fucking good at articulating what I think and feel but could never put into words... This is a part I especially liked (really really good parts underlined), for whatever it's worth:

"What are we talking about when we talk about the soul? Well, pop culture to the contrary, the soul is not an overweight nightclub singer having an unhappy love affair in Detroit. The soul doesn't hang out in a Memphis barbershop, fry catfish for supper, and keep a thirty-eight Special in its underwear drawer. Hard times and funky living can season the soul, true enough, but joy is the yeast that makes it rise.

"On the other hand, the soul is most definitely not some pale vapor wafting off a bucket of metaphysical dry ice. For all of its associations, it steadfastly contradicts those who imagine it to be a billow of sacred flatulence or a shimmer of personal swamp gas.

"Soul is not even that Crackerjack prize that God and Satan scuffle over after the worms have all licked our bones. That's why, when we ponder - as sooner or later each of us must - exactly what we ought to be doing about our soul, religion is the wrong, if conventional, place to run. Religion is little more than a transaction in which troubled people trade their souls for the temporary and wholly illusionary psychological comfort - the old give-it-up-in-order-to-save-it routine. Religions lead us to believe that the soul is the ultimate family jewel and that in return for our mindless obedience, they can secure it for us in their vaults, or at least insure it against fire and theft. They are mistaken...

"In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's being continually retold in an accent too thick and too strange to ever be completely understood. Life is that joke, my friends. The soul is its punchline."

Posted @ 1:26 AM

Thursday, May 22, 2003

OK, working for Ma is getting old quick. She expects me to be a mind reader sometimes. I guess the upside of this is that I can tell her to get a fucking grip and she won't fire me. Ah, the benefits of working with family...

Hopefully I will be getting my Green Machine back tomorrow. Been in the shop for almost 4 weeks, which seems to me a bit excessive, even though the damage was pretty harsh. I have had enough of this shitty rental car, with the driver's side window that won't go up and bald tires. I have been riding in a wet seat for a month. Enough already!

Don't have much else to report, just wanted to whine for a sec that no one is posting comments. Does that mean I am not saying anything interesting??

Posted @ 10:17 PM

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

I feel like a slug. My allergies are horrendous tonite and I am all snotty and itchy. Can't you just picture how pretty I look? LOL. Indie is wandering around panting, so I guess it's pretty hot up here. I don't really feel it. Though when I was in Concord earlier today, it was 88 degrees. Woohoo!!! I was so sick of snow! Anyway, just felt like I owed a blog to my few devoted readers. Not that I have one single interesting thing to say, but I never made any guarantees, so...

Blew some money (which I don't have, BTW) today at Target and WalMart (now competing for my affection). I always feel the need to buy useless shit when I'm bored...woah, a wave of heat just hit me, ugh... When I got home this afternoon, James had called and we went to Margaritas for...well, margaritas. And a veggie quesadilla. Yummers. It was very good to see her. She is being remarkably brave about the impending hitting of the shit on the fan at my now former workplace. But it puts her in a position to have more money and power, so if she doesn't get sick of it, she'll do really well. James is a worthy adversary of any challenge and I believe she will make the best of whatever she decides to do.

I don't really have anything else to say. I guess I do, actually, it just seems bland in the scheme of things... Well, I may as well make it a good post, so here goes:

I brought Indie down to see the KerrBear and Isis yesterday. Walked (the long way - thanks Kerry!) to Hannaford for mayo and butts, more for the exercise than anything else. The dogs had a good time. The funny part was when we let them loose in the back yard and they commenced their usual chase and despite the fact that Kerry had pinned up both pinnable sides of her new screenhouse so they wouldn't try to go through it whilst running, Indie was inside having a totally calm moment and then just suddenly leapt through the wall of it and left a 4-foot hole. We were gonna try to sew it, but it was beyond hope. So I had to buy another one. Grrrrr. Damned dog.

The best thing about yesterday was the inception a new project: The Shitter Showdown. I won't go into details (don't wanna give anything away to peeping eyes!) but this is the scoop: we were talking about camping and a certain person's phobia about having to dump in the woods and I was like, "maybe I'll make you a special chair with a hole in the middle," which lead to the idea of having a contest to see who can make the best portable camp shitter. I have some wild ideas, as I am sure she does, too, but I ain't tellin'! The deadline is June 14th, and we need judges. So if anyone local (in the circle of friends and acquaintences) is reading this, we'll gladly take volunteers. I realize how completely insane this sounds to anyone who doesn't know us, but believe me, it's gonna be fun. Then we're gonna lash them together and test them. Ha ha. Not really. Well, maybe... *evil laughter*

That's all I have to say tonite. Hope everyone has a happy hump day!

Posted @ 10:09 PM

Friday, May 16, 2003

Waitin' for my honey to arrive so we can go get some dinner, so I thought I'd get in a little Friday Five action...

1. What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.? I buy bottled when I can or I think of it, but I drink the tap water where I live. It tasted like shit when I first moved here, because it was not as good as the water I had in Warner, but now it tastes fine.
2. What are your favorite flavor of chips? Lays Bistro Applewood Barbecue. The best ever, no doubt.
3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most? Um, the only thing I can really cook, above and beyond the usual mac 'n' cheese and spaghetti, is Garlic Pecan Chicken (served with fettuccini). It's friggin awesome.
4. How do you have your eggs? Usually scrambled. My mom used to make us "egg in a cup" when I was a kid and late for the bus... This consisted of a soft or hard boiled (depending on the rush!) egg in a cup and mashed up with butter and salt. That was good.
5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out? Had lasagna and garlic bread (with actual fresh mashed garlic cloves - wicked good!) and salad and lemon birthday cake last nite. Honey's mom made it. :o) Well, I helped with the salad.

Damn, where is he? This food talk is makin' me hungry!

Posted @ 6:16 PM

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Pretty sad that I feel like I have been cheating on my computer, eh? LOL. Well, what can I say? Mucho change-o. I left my job officially on Monday. I didn't intend to leave with no notice, but my mom is having a lot of health issues and when that is lumped with the pressure of running the rescue more or less solo, it's doing her in. So, I have been busting my ass getting her stuff up to speed and am workin for Ma for a while. Don't know for how long, don't know what's next. Hopefully all good things. I was quite distraught and feeling responsible for the happiness or misery of my now forner coworkers, but a very smart guy I happen to be in love with sat patiently while I bawled in the parking lot at Hannaford and made me realize that I can only be responsible for me. If they want to stay, that is their choice. I have to say, although the future sure is feeling shaky to me, I am sooooo glad to be out of there. I really don't wish any ill will on my former boss, but damn... He is a nightmare to work for.

I don't have too much else to say. I am friggin sick of sitting in front of this shitty computer working on other peoples' stuff. LOL. See, when I blow 6 hours on my own shit, it's all good. LOL. I make me laugh. Hmmm... What else... Well, I have somehow not gained any weight back (total loss of 13 lbs. since I started in this endeavor), despite the fact that Jay and I have both been eating good food very regularly. Maybe this is what healthy eating is all about? Eat something reasonable when you are hungry? Wow, it sounds pathetic, but that was a concept I never really got. So now all I have to do is eat a little less than "normal" and it should continue to drop. Yippee. Heh. And I have been slacking hardcore on the workouts, but it just occurred to me that the aerobic exercise I have been getting *wink* is probably keeping me out of major trouble. (And getting me into trouble in other ways! Ha ha.) Anyway, what would a Whim blog post be without a bunch of sex talk? Ha ha.

Posted @ 1:26 PM

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

So sorry about the lack of updates. I...well...em...I have been busy being ridiculously happy. Yesterday was my birthday (25 *gasp*) and it was one of the best ever. I am so friggin in love. *swoon* I got totally pampered last nite. Never had that before. Me want more!! LOL.

Car is in the shop, still doing the back-and-forth insurance bullshit. Don't know who's ultimately going to pay for it, but I will be out my deductible fairly soon, but it looks like they will be subregating and I should get it back. When is the question. Oh, well. All I have to say is that when you are 81 and handicapped, you ought not be on the road unless you are being driven, Miss Daisy.

Jay and I went to Home Depot on Sunday and I got some strawberry plants that looked like they needed my help. He loves strawberries and has never had fresh ones, local ones - just the ones that are picked white and shipped in from Cali. So this will be a sweet treat. As long as I remember to keep them watered. That balcony is a total oven in the summer, dries everything out so fast. Anyhoo, I am inspired today to go plant some of the other seeds I have bought within the last couple weeks. Got some sweet peas and morning glories (or course), and some other one that looks like a petunia but is like...they almost look tie-dyed, I guess is the best way to explain it. So purty!! Let the balcony jungle begin! Oh and speaking of plants, I met Jay's mom Monday nite (which was his birthday) and she has the most beautiful plants. Reminded me of my mom's place. She gave me a baby jade plant and a pretty bracelet for my birthday. What a lady. :o) But she'd have to be, to have a kid like him. *big smile*

I guess I should go get my ass in gear. I have to say though I am sad no one has really had much to say here since I have been a.w.o.l., I am relieved that I am not disappointing anyone who I had deluded myself into thinking read my shit on a regular basis. Ha ha. Guess I'll never be famous. LOL.

Posted @ 12:14 PM

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